Broken hearted and a bit bewildered by what I overheard a "friend" say about me. I've been friends with a guy who is trying to get his life back together. He's employed, no children though decent looking, he's got a big ego. He is sharing an apartment with---now get this--the woman his father nearly married. The woman--"Cat" is also down on her luck but she's taking action to lift her out of her current "crisis."
We were at the guy's father's home and I was reclining in a chair just out of his sight. Now, the guy is talking to his sister...unfortunately, they were on speaker phone and I hear this:
"Oh, I love J***** with all my heart,"
Sister: "What about that 'new one'?" meaning me.
He replies, "Oh THAT? That is just a friend with benefits."
I heard all of this and realized that "he" was trying to get a message to "J*****" that he had already replaced her with me. Unfortunately, I do NOT provide "benefits" and resented the implication. Until that very moment, I thought the guy and I were actual friends. Platonic friends. But a real friend doesn't insert your name into a conversation about an ex-lover to incite jealousy.
I sat straight up and was furious. How could he do that? Well, at least I knew where I stood now. I was being promoted as a sometime lover...ICK!!
Nothing hurts like betrayal. When I catch someone "showing me who they really are" I believe them. Dr. Maya Angelou knew this and taught this to all of us. (RIP Dr. Maya.)
I knew I could not let another moment go by without a confrontation. So when the telephone conversation with his sister ended, I tried to take him aside and ask him why he'd said what he said.
Funny thing about confronting a friend...they do not want to admit their mistakes so it didn't surprise me that he tried to avoid me but I certainly didn't expect him to start crying!
He'd been caught telling his sister how he really viewed me, hurt my feelings and yet never expected that he might be overheard OR have to explain his actions. But I was angry about being thought of as a "THAT" and a "friend with benefits." The former didn't even dignify me as a person...I got a THAT! The latter implied a sexual relationship between he and I...(again) ICK!!
When the tears didn't effect me as he'd anticipated, he pulled out the old "I'm just going to kill myself over this" routine.
"Ill just kill myself." he said.
"Sounds like a good idea to me." I said. "I certainly have no use for you anyway." I replied. Cruel? Not in this case.
I did learn a lesson in friendship between a man and a woman. To find out how they really feel about you, find out what they say about you when speaking to their close family i.e. a sister. and you'll get the truth. ...and the "truth will make you free."
I'm free off this "friendship."
With friends like that.......well, you know the rest!