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Thoughts Of Suicide

Confession: March 24th was going to be the end for me. Months with no car, pain, painful treatments, meds screwed up, isolated, low on cash...

Monday, August 31, 2015

Survivor and Sexy

As a beautiful, horny, breast cancer survivor with now long blonde hair, I have to make a confession. I have been seeing the past come back at me.  In all stages of my treatment, I was too scared to talk about the effects of all I had been thru and what the treatments would leave behind. A completely new me?
I am a rather young and sensual person. I love touching a man's neck, shoulders and.......breast cancer didn't take the desire for doing that.
I dream of reverse cowgirl position and doggie-style and even two men at the same time. Cancer didn't touch the sexual animal in me.!
The topic may sound silly but please forgive me, I have "inhaled" and I'm feeling great! The problem with me is whenever I feel physically finished, I will inhale just before bed but what I have discovered is I am in a state of TURBO LIBIDO!
I am single...of course and "it just isn't decent" for a lady to want/ask for sex. Especially a breast cancer survivor? There is a portion of folks that seem to believe that you're no longer a woman with mastectomy scars, fake breasts and prosthetic breasts.  Well, I just so happen to have breasts that "are fake...and they are spectacular.
I'm again am a 38DD and I would love to have them loved, stroked and kissed from time to time. I don't know if it's the 'inhaler' I used but I am more prone to talk and share.
For example, I am naked at this computer bouncing up and down trying to release some written wisdom and the pounding between my legs. Cancer didn't take away my kinky side.
I watch porn. Of course this lady watches! I love the hardcore "get right to it" action. I thought of trying to be in adult porn just so I could relieve my near constant state of arousal. I walk around naked most of the time and when I go to work or etc,.I leave the panties at home. I've always "gone commando." It feels wonderful and with my pussy completely bald, the sensations are fantastic.
There is a man I have fantasized about for a few days...even masturbated calling out his name! But I am too shy to TALK to him. I want him to want my body because I really want his. Breast cancer didn't take the "kink" out of me!
In my dreams, I will walk over to him, wrap a leg around him, unzip his pants and caress his dick while forcing it into my very wet pu**y. He is almost too big and too hard to get inside me  but I'll stroke my clitoris to get him inside of me because I am now tight as a virgin since there's been no penetration for a long time. Too long!
So now as a breast cancer survivor whose nearly a frustrated sex addict.  I can get liquid or herbal courage if needed to enhance my libido, spontaneous orgasms and try to control the intensity of those orgasms before this starts interfering with my daily life. I'm afraid.
But just between us, I want sex very day!  I watch porn as I said before and at times wish I were the "recipient" of a DP or even better--a Gangbang! But I'm supposed to be a good girl! Oh, I'll be your good girl if you lift up my dress and spank me with your bare hand--you can have me.  My Goodness, I shouldn't be thinking of things like that.  No sex toys at my house, I want a real man to "break me in-again"!
I'm turning into the "lady in the street but a freak in the bed"...well, good for me! Breast cancer didn't take away the "freak" in me after all. 
Uh, Oh.................I'm feeling a spontaneous orgasm...............CUMMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Saturday, August 29, 2015

My Lovers: Worst to First!

It may not be conduct becoming of a lady but I have had requests to blog about some of my lovers and I don't like to disappoint. As the blog continues, I might have to excuse myself and "play with myself until I climax" if I tell too much about certain lovers!
As the title says, I'm going worst to first so let's just start at the first, shall we? My first sexual partner was unfortunately my worst lover. He couldn't help it I guess. I was thirteen, he was fifteen and I literally walked up to him and asked him to "show me what sex was." I ran with girls from fifteen to seventeen and dammit, I wanted to be able to put my "two cents in" from time to time!!
My first was "Rich." I went to his house, he put me on his bed and tried to put himself inside of me but ended up--I think--just using his fingers. And his kiss was like as old sock! "So that's it?" I asked.
"Pretty much." he said. Oh well.
My #3 lover was older and "Dale" had the largest penis I had ever seen. He took me to his place and tried time after time to "enter me" but he was so thick that he couldn't get inside of me. As understanding as he could be, he proceeded to "show me a couple of things." He showed me that I could cum from using his tongue and I learned how to perform oral sex on him! Surprisingly, I love and prefer giving oral sex than receiving! Ultimately, he addicted me to sex especially once he was able to put all of his dick inside me over and over and over again.
My #2 most satisfying lover is "Jon." We was also well-endowed and loved sex and by now, I wanted daily! He was only too happy to oblige. "Jon" loved to have sex outside, put me in positions like "reverse cowgirl," and on my knees and "do me" from behind. I have a small vagina but I learned a long time ago that I like 'em big and to hurt just a bit. Guess he made me a sex addict...if there is such a thing.
Tied at #2 is "Bo" who would let me experiment on him! I liked riding him--once I go that thick, hard penis up inside of me. I'd have to play with my own clit to get a bit wetter to make it less painful to get in me. He'd grab my hips and run me back and forth over his dick and I'd bounce up and down on him until we were cumming at the same time with screams and moans.
An Honorable Mention is "Ray" the 18 year old who had a thing for older women...I was 29, he was 18. He taught me that young men love experimentation and I still dream of the possibility of two men at the same time one day...blame that desire on "Ray."
Before I get to my most satisfying lover, let me say this. I have to deal with my high sex drive on a regular basis. I have a fetish for military men and police officers., Threaten to lift my skirt and give me a spanking (I do not wear underwear) makes me weak in the knees. No, I'm no S & M girl, but I do prefer to be FUCKED than MADE LOVE TO. There is a difference. I love the both and prefer the former. Don't judge!!
My most satisfying lover was "Jeff." He was my baby's daddy and turned me into his own sexual slave. I wore garters, fishnets and high heels for him, made love to him on the front porch in broad daylight and I can't tell u how many times we made love in our various cars. He, too was large and knew exactly how to make me cum using either his mouth, cock or tongue. And I was grateful for it!
He and I had to part ways and now my sexlife/fantasies pretty much go unfulfilled. Thankfully, I'll looking for lovers/lover who'll enable me to see a few new men in the future.
Now, if you will excuse me, I must take my wet naked body into the bedroom until I can find a way to satisfy myself.
I certainly am craving another lover if you're out there. Interested?

Thursday, August 13, 2015

It Was Just Lunch

I met "Bill" for lunch at my newly designated first date restaurant.  From what I knew of him, he was a very nice looking professional man who had grown up on the West Coast. Now this Southern Belle wasn't about to hold that against him.
I always try to be fifteen minutes early for a date so I can get the table or an available one already set with napkins and water waiting for my date. I think that is a welcoming gesture. The man arrives and the table and date are already in the "welcome, let's get to know each other" mood.
Bill was as handsome as was his photo. I have had great luck with online dating lately so a man that resembles his photo is great in my book.
We began talking--the "getting to know you" thing and I liked the way he spoke and the interest he seemed to have in his marketing career. I shared some of my experiences as an RN and how I hoped to return to it soon and he seemed impressed. We were getting along.
I took a drink of my water and adjusted my necklace. I like to wear the gold cross I got from my son for my recent birthday. As I adjusted the necklace, I caught sight of "Bill" whose entire attitude seemed to change towards me. He had a condescending smile and a slight roll of his eyes.
"Oh," he said, "you're one of 'those' people."
"What do you mean "those people?" I asked.
"You're one of those folks living here in the Bible Belt who go around peddling that invisible man whose living in the clouds and his story of sending his "son" (making a jazz hands gesture here) to save the world from sin. Well I'm an atheist and I'm never going to be converted." he said.
"All I did was adjust the necklace my son bought me for my birthday--you seem to be the one judging intentions."
"Well, I knew you were a Christian but I just didn't know to such a degree." he said.
"There's no degree and I'm not peddling anything. I simply adjusted a necklace so I would not be distracted while trying to get to know you better." I said. "Oh, will you excuse me?" I asked, "I have to go to the restroom."
I was pretty stunned at what had happened. "Bill" was nice and everything but he wasn't worth a free lunch. If the sight of a cross on a gold chain can upset him like this, what else would?
I wasn't going to hang around so as soon as I was finished in the bathroom, I washed my hands and left! Yep, I just headed for the exit, got in my car and headed home. Isn't there a passage in the Bible that tells us to "shake the dirt off our feet" if we know that someone isn't going to listen to us? That's what I did--sort of. I used the bathroom, washed my hands and "Bill" out of my life for good!
Wonder how long it took before he realized I was gone!!
Isn't getting to know people fun?????