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Thoughts Of Suicide

Confession: March 24th was going to be the end for me. Months with no car, pain, painful treatments, meds screwed up, isolated, low on cash...

Saturday, June 18, 2016

Fractured Life...at the Moment

Last week, I did something only I could do. I broke my left knee. I sort of "saw it coming" because I knew it was not good form to sit with my left leg under my butt while watching TV. Oh, but it was so comfortable... Anyway, little by little, I started feeling pains in my left leg and I knew. Big deal. Give it a couple of rubs of  whatever is the big selling analgesic and I'll be fine.
A couple of days later, the pain got worse so I thought I'd just turn off the TV and go to bed. I got up from my chair and took one step with my left leg and heard/felt the biggest "POP" ever! I immediately couldn't use my left leg and slithered back towards my chair. I saw my cell phone about two feet beyond my reach and managed to throw my belt at it and slowly bring my phone to me. I know, I know...at this moment I'm thinking "Help! I've fallen and I can't get up!" but like those people on TV, I didn't have anyone to yell to either!
Thankfully, I was able to call my next door neighbor Jessica. She's been friendly to me ever since she moved in and I was hoping she wasn't going to mind the incredible imposition I was about to try and hand her. I called her and before I could even get the words completely out of my mouth, she was standing in my living room--still on her phone with me!!
She rushed me to a local ER where they did x-rays but couldn't tell me what they showed. What? All they really did was give me an immobilizer for my leg, told me to keep it iced and gave me the number of "some wonderful orthopedic surgeons."  In the "old days" a person with broken bones were kept in the ER for hours waiting for the orthopedic doctor to get there, prep one or surgery and take care of business. Not now!
I was graciously escorted outside via wheelchair to wait for Jessica to pull up to the patient pick-up so I could go back home. Oh yeah, I got a nifty pair of crutches as another parting gift! On the way home, I realized that I as probably in more danger at home with this fracture than I was when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I'd have to learn how to walk on crutches, maneuver around my messy home and do all of the activities of daily living all by myself. Well, now I have a friend who is willing to help me...Jessica.
Once again, all my plans are at a standstill. Can't go to church, couldn't go to Bible school, can't go to yoga classes, can't do my volunteer work...none of it!! I have to be careful, follow orders and hope I get "back to normal" in less than the four to six weeks they tell me it will take.
I'll tell you one thing, this FOMO thing I keep hearing about...is starting to become real to me. I never really took my life for granted but I'm certainly missing stuff now!
In the grand scheme of things, this isn't so bad. It certainly could've been worse and for that I am grateful. I am also grateful that I have a friend that will drop nearly everything to come to the aid of not only me but others. Jessica is a rarity.
But I'll be fine as long as I stay out of my own way, do what I'm told and have plenty of books to read! I was hoping to put on my dancing shoes July 1st--my birthday--but I guess I'll just have sit and "put my crutches in the air...and wave 'em like I just don't care"! Gotta find some humor in this, right?
So instead of saying "Have a great day," in honor of this past weeks' Tony Awards, I'll just say "break a leg!" I DID!!!