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Confession: March 24th was going to be the end for me. Months with no car, pain, painful treatments, meds screwed up, isolated, low on cash...

Monday, October 12, 2015

Almost Adultery

I used to wonder how a woman could consider "dating" a married man. A friend of mine used to only date married men because she claimed that "once they got away from their wives it was PARTY ON!" I could never understand it. But it all turned into a learning experience when "Rick" contacted me from 30 years ago!
My rules have always been: Never date a guy you have dated in the past. No married men. So right off the bat, "Rick" is disqualified. He's both. But I believe I know now how a woman could get caught up in a relationship with a married man.
Since May, "Rick" and I have had all kinds of conversations--unfortunately, they were predominantly sexual conversations. Oh! The things that man said he was going to do to me! Now "Rick" has over thirty years invested in his marriage. I figured he had experience, right? Isn't that what they say: Married men know how to talk to women. Ok. Ok. He's saying these things to me like, "I want to suck your breasts." (even though I am  surviving breast cancer after a double mastectomy!)
"Text me any time, Love."
"I want to fill your pussy full."
"I love you." etc.,
With all these things sent to you, I can sort of see how a woman can fall for that and look beyond the fact that "your man" is married. "Rick" called me initially. He asked me about the old days in college where he and I had sex literally everywhere. He seemed to have focused on the time he and I had sex in the stairwell of our dorm. In my mind, he must've been having marital problems or he wouldn't get in touch with me. I was on my guard.
Unfortunately, I have a horrible character flaw. I'm dependable. If you need me at work at 10a.m., I'll be there by 9:45a.m. If I say I'll be somewhere at a certain time, I'm there fifteen minutes early, "just in case something happens." This flaw carries over into my relationships with men. I can't play "hard to get" or all those games we women have been told to play to "catch" a man. Problem is--my dependability and interest in men--invalidates me as a person. So apparently, standing guys up; pretending to be busy so your man will wonder what you're doing and with whom is essential in a relationship. I can't do it--and that's why I'm single.
Started noticing that "Rick" didn't text me first anymore. After four months, I had unknowingly "been me." I was thoroughly interested in his past. He had been in the army and flown helicopters and I thought that is a fascinating aspect of his life. But we never got around to talking about it. We had phone sex or sex-text instead.
We made plans many times to see each other with promises of food and fun...neither happened. It reminded me of old episodes of soap operas where the guy was letting down his "other woman" easy because "You know I'm married." As it happens, being married is the ultimate commitment dodge. Let's be serious, being married IS the greatest loophole for a man!  "Hey, why did you get involved with me? I'm married."
Time went on and I found myself wishing to see him, texting him a "Hello, how are you doing?" ever so often. As a woman, he and I had been "talking" for over four months--we had a connection, right? Well, no. Women bond. Men don't. We think that if we "love him the right way--he'll leave her for me." Nope! What happens is we wait and wish.......
Then I realized "Rick" was becoming more of an inconsiderate, "I'll text you when I can." I had "done it again." I had been so genuinely interested in my friend from thirty years ago, answered his every call/text and been my usual dependable self. THEN...it happened. He stepped over the line.
As a woman there are things I simply will not tolerate. One is when you blatantly disrespect me and take me for granted. This is what slapped me back to reality.
"I think you need to get a job so you wouldn't text me so much." "Rick" texted.
So once again, I had made someone think they were the only man alive. That seems to be a lot easier to do with texts because the recipient is free to interpret your words as THEY want. So my dependability and being new to the "married man" deal had made him think I had no life. I am a breast cancer survivor, going back to the nursing field soon, while going to doctor's appointments but I never told him---and he never asked. Now......
I was so upset that "Rick" had literally told me to "get a job, so I wouldn't have so much time on my hands." That ended it. Instantly.
There is no way in Hell that I can ever text/take a call from "Rick" ever again. "Get a job"? Wow!!
Thank God we never had sex. I don't think I could've lived with myself if I had slept with "Rick." I certainly can't now. "Rick" used to make plans to see me but he would then either cancel at the last minute or just not text me at all. But when he did text "Old Faithful" would "understand about the cancelled plans" or just ignore the subject altogether. No problem.
It is over between "Rick" and me. I'm a bit ashamed. I am now DONE!
There is NO going back to a man who tells you to "Get a job so you won't have so much time on your hands to text"!!
Question: What is in me that people feel free to say such things to me?
First time he broke up with me he quoted James 1 verse 6 regarding the "double-minded man. This time it ended because he told me to "get a job"!

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