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Confession: March 24th was going to be the end for me. Months with no car, pain, painful treatments, meds screwed up, isolated, low on cash...

Sunday, January 17, 2016

Old Lovers...Conclusion & Confession

It took me 8 months to accept Mike's...real name not 'Rick.' friend request. My concerns were. Was he in touch with my abusive ex-hubby trying to locate me? Was it really Mike from 30 years ago? Isn't he married? Why is he contacting me? After all those thoughts, I clicked the 'confirm' button and said to myself "What's the worst that can happen?"
Mike and I texted back and forth. Facebook or telephone. Late night texts began to get sexual. I guess I was his "Sext-tress." It lasted for 8 months, too. I never took anything he texted seriously especially those plans to meet and f**k. Funny thing was, I never let him know where I lived so every time he made "plans" I just rolled my eyes. I could barely live with the fact that I was secretly 'sexting' a married man but I rationalized it by saying, "That's just Mike." The way I saw it, I was talking to the Mike I knew in college...not the 57 year old married grandfather of today. I was wrong.
"I love you." "I miss you." "I want to be with you." "We'll be together soon." You know...all the married man lines. I never believed a thing he said but I was giving it just as well as I was getting it.
Soon, the text got fewer from him and I was finding myself texting him first more often. Needless to say, it was getting old. I started wishing to God that I had never confirmed his friend request in the first place.
Monday I sent him a "call me" text that went without a reply. Thursday, I texted him and he immediately responded with an "I miss you." I thought 'how'? We've seen each other once in 30 years! How could he miss me?
He then called and he said he was busy but he'd call me between 4pm/5pm. Needless to say...he never called. Secretly, I was relieved. I texted him and told him he was too busy and I didn't fit in his life anyway because he was married! "But you are important to me" he responded to which I replied "Actions speak louder than words...but I'll always love you."
"Okay...love you, too." Then I decided I was done with all this Lifetime movie crap and wrote, "Do you want me to stop texting you?" No reply. I asked that question two more times and still got no reply. Ridiculous, right? Of course it was.
Even though I didn't want to lose his friendship, I realized we didn't have a friendship. We were playing a stupid game...it was wrong...and he'd never end it, so I did.
The next day I ended it by promising never to text him ever again. Still no response. Big deal.
Okay...I sort of hoped he'd respond but that was just my "fear of abandonment" issue talking. I even thought of Faith Hill's song "Cry." But I was just being stupid. I'm not anymore...I'm done!
I really feel badly about violating my #1 rule of "No married men." but it was 'good old Christian Mike.' what was the worst that can happen?
I learned that no matter how nice a guy is/was...married means "No." I just wanted an old friend from college. But that guy doesn't exist anymore. The exchanges were fun at first. I knew I NEVER wanted him to leave his wife. They never do 9 times out of 10 anyway. It was just something to look forward to while I was going thru breast cancer. No more. None. Done. Sure, I've prayed for a special man to come into my life but then I read: "God will NEVER send you another woman's husband."
And the People of God said, "AMEN!"


  1. This Rick/Mike thing seems to have taken on a life of its own. Set your sights higher and let's see what happens.

    On another note, how many books have you read in the past 3 months?

    1. Right as always! Sadly, I've only read 4 books in the past 3 months. Currently reading 'Celebrity' by Thomas Thompson from 1982. Seems to be a "retro" thing going because prior to that I re-read 'When Bad Things Happen to Good People'!
      How about you?

  2. I've not read nearly enough "books" lately. Although I read tons of articles every day on the internet. I keep meaning to read a John Grisham or Bill Bryson book that I haven't read, but I just haven't gotten around to it. I enjoy both of them, and have read several of their works. Have you ever read John Grisham? Did you ever get around to reading a Bill Bryson book?

    On a positive note, I did get to see the film adaptation of one of Bill Bryson's books - A Walk in the Woods, with Robert Redford and Nick Nolte.

    1. Haven't gotten to Bill Bryson books but I have read a lot of him online. I've read a lot of Grisham books and I of course recommend "A Time to Kill" which in my opinion was so much better than the movie. Mr. Grisham has drawn from his lawyer days to write his best-sellers.
      Like you, I find tons of articles to read online. Some good...some not so good.
      What did you think of- A Walk in the Woods?

  3. Replies
    1. You're correct. The entire thing embarrasses me but one day it will make a hilarious joke...and a "don't let this happen to you" episode of Dr. Phil! lol

  4. I thought A Walk in the Woods was very entertaining. I enjoyed it thoroughly, but it didn't blow me away - if you know what I mean. It was gentle entertainment. Have you seen it?

  5. Haven't heard from you for a long while. Are you doing OK?
    Write something positive for us? :)
    It'll do us all some good.

    1. Hey, my friend!:) Had a little health matter but it's resolved. Thank you 4 your concern. Putting the finishing touches on a post right now.

    2. Good to hear from you. I hope and trust you are straightened out, for the moment.