It took me 8 months to accept Mike's...real name not 'Rick.' friend request. My concerns were. Was he in touch with my abusive ex-hubby trying to locate me? Was it really Mike from 30 years ago? Isn't he married? Why is he contacting me? After all those thoughts, I clicked the 'confirm' button and said to myself "What's the worst that can happen?"
Mike and I texted back and forth. Facebook or telephone. Late night texts began to get sexual. I guess I was his "Sext-tress." It lasted for 8 months, too. I never took anything he texted seriously especially those plans to meet and f**k. Funny thing was, I never let him know where I lived so every time he made "plans" I just rolled my eyes. I could barely live with the fact that I was secretly 'sexting' a married man but I rationalized it by saying, "That's just Mike." The way I saw it, I was talking to the Mike I knew in college...not the 57 year old married grandfather of today. I was wrong.
"I love you." "I miss you." "I want to be with you." "We'll be together soon." You know...all the married man lines. I never believed a thing he said but I was giving it just as well as I was getting it.
Soon, the text got fewer from him and I was finding myself texting him first more often. Needless to say, it was getting old. I started wishing to God that I had never confirmed his friend request in the first place.
Monday I sent him a "call me" text that went without a reply. Thursday, I texted him and he immediately responded with an "I miss you." I thought 'how'? We've seen each other once in 30 years! How could he miss me?
He then called and he said he was busy but he'd call me between 4pm/5pm. Needless to say...he never called. Secretly, I was relieved. I texted him and told him he was too busy and I didn't fit in his life anyway because he was married! "But you are important to me" he responded to which I replied "Actions speak louder than words...but I'll always love you."
"Okay...love you, too." Then I decided I was done with all this Lifetime movie crap and wrote, "Do you want me to stop texting you?" No reply. I asked that question two more times and still got no reply. Ridiculous, right? Of course it was.
Even though I didn't want to lose his friendship, I realized we didn't have a friendship. We were playing a stupid game...it was wrong...and he'd never end it, so I did.
The next day I ended it by promising never to text him ever again. Still no response. Big deal.
Okay...I sort of hoped he'd respond but that was just my "fear of abandonment" issue talking. I even thought of Faith Hill's song "Cry." But I was just being stupid. I'm not anymore...I'm done!
I really feel badly about violating my #1 rule of "No married men." but it was 'good old Christian Mike.' what was the worst that can happen?
I learned that no matter how nice a guy is/was...married means "No." I just wanted an old friend from college. But that guy doesn't exist anymore. The exchanges were fun at first. I knew I NEVER wanted him to leave his wife. They never do 9 times out of 10 anyway. It was just something to look forward to while I was going thru breast cancer. No more. None. Done. Sure, I've prayed for a special man to come into my life but then I read: "God will NEVER send you another woman's husband."
And the People of God said, "AMEN!"