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Confession: March 24th was going to be the end for me. Months with no car, pain, painful treatments, meds screwed up, isolated, low on cash...

Friday, September 14, 2012

Sex: The Only Thing You Really Need to Know

My mother gave me the facts of life when I was eleven years old. Actually, I was given the Holy Grail---the secret---the real secret---only "fact of life" I would ever need to know. Mom knocked on my bedroom door, came in, sat down, ducked her cigarette, looked me dead in the eye and said, "Men just want to stick their dick in your pussy." After a triumphant deep breath she added, "I am so glad we talked." I think I answered her with a "Yes ma'am." I may have said,"Thank you." I'm not sure. Don't really remember. Kinda blacked out there for a second. What's the appropriate response  when your mom says something like that to you when you're eleven years old? What would you say to that at any age, right?
Once I regained consciousness and my ears had stopped bleeding, I began a  research project that has lasted my entire life and continues to this day. What have  I found so far? Mom was right. Read on.
First of all, boys know they are boys before girls know they are girls. Duh? What I mean, of course, is that boys discover their ride along "buddy" way before we girls know that we have a secret passenger, too. Boys are introduced and re-introduced to their "buddy" over the course of their lifetime. Girls aren't aware of a "buddy"until somebody-usually a boy--wants to "share and compare." Boys give their "buddy"names. Girls don't do this. In my entire life, I never heard one girl or woman say,"I'm sitting on Margret!" or "Amy needs a tampon."
Men want and expect sex. Women want love and think they can use sex to get it. Not true. Love and sex are completely different things and should never be combined...or even in the same sentence!
A man looks at a woman and rates her "fuck-ability." "Oh, I'd do her." She's a seven--an eight if I drink a little more." Sex is the objective. It is biological. It is a function and if successful it is a muscle relaxer but once he 'comes' he wants to 'go.' That could mean go home or straight to sleep. Mission accomplished. Touchdown. "I got lucky."
Women look at a man and rate his boyfriend/husband/father potential. She wants to know if he would be a good daddy. What would the children look like? What are his dreams for the next twenty, thirty, forty years? She's not looking to leave anything to luck. Women always have a plan.Women spend millions of dollars for clothes, shoes, cosmetics, proceedures and on the occasional therapist, thinking it will bring them a man and love. Men just want to get laid. She is reading Cosmo  finding out where to touch her man to ensure love "forever after," while he is on the couch touching himself to see if he has on clean underwear!
Looks don't matter to a man---actually HIS looks don't matter, YOURS do. Men not only have different rules for appearance, they have different mirrors! Mirrors lie to men. A woman looks in a mirror and sees pores, zits wrinkles, flaws, aging, etc. A man looks in that very same mirror and sees nothing but a 'stud,' and a 'ladies man" Seeing his own reflection,even The Elephant Man couldn't understand why the girls weren't going for him!
I love men. I always have. There is nothing like a good stiff one. Men are wonderful things and they are the accessory that makes Life worth living. Contact me if you have any questions or need any advice. Life is too short not to enjoy the gender deemed 'male.'They are creatures who are masterfully crafted, visually stimulated, pussy motivated and easily manipulated. Just shake a little tail at a man and watch the magic happen! That's the beauty of a man. Aren't they wonderful? Every woman should have two or three.


  1. Wow! This article is than a little bit sexist, don't you think? But understandably so. After all, you are a woman, and you can't take a woman's mind out of a woman. Oh sure, you can change the way her body looks (i.e. you can have a sex change operation), but her woman's mind will still be inside of that body - no matter how she/he/it looks on the outside.

    Please don't misunderstand me. I'm not casting negative criticism on the article, or you. I'm applauding the sexist angle. After all, it's only natural, isn't it? Your a woman, and you have your opinions - from where you stand. I'm a man, and I have mine - I'm standing in a different place. But, I'm open to your voice and ready to listen. Write on.

    1. Thank you for taking the time to not only read my article but respond to it. You're right, my article is absolutely sexist and 'thank you' for saying so. I never understood why women rarely get called on this! I am 'Gloriously Sexist' in love with men. On a serious note, I do think my "wonderful mother" said what she did in an attempt to make me view men and sex negatively. Thankfully, she wasn't successful.

  2. Hear ye, hear ye! Bully! (i.e. I approve!)