I'm in the Same Room with Who?

Maryville College held its "Best in Blount County" awards ceremony last night honoring various achievements, citizens and veterans. It is a wonderful event at a beautiful campus in East Tennessee with a featured speaker that normally gets a little coverage on the local news but by the time the event actually started the guest speaker we were going to hear went from "motivational speaker" to "the man who shot bin Laden."
I thought there was a mistake. HAD to be a mistake. There just HAD to be more than one man by that name, right? How many 'Robert O'Neill's are there anyway? There was no way that the man named on the national news was the same one we were going to hear a bit later. Besides, hadn't someone else already claimed to have been the shooter? What difference would it make anyway?
As word spread about the man's identity, the event was taking on an different feel. A strange feel. Focus wasn't exactly on the awards anymore. How could it be? Honoring people while ignoring the 'elephant in the room'? Especially the 'elephant' who shot Osama bin Laden. Thankfully, the man was not going to address the question of who he was after all so nothing in the program was changed. Everyone was properly honored and not cast aside in favor of a secret identity having been revealed. It was like "we know but we're not going to say anything." At least his motivational speech had a lot more people paying attention.
Security seemed to be everywhere. Police. Dogs. Checking bags. What? Why do we need security? Oh right, the guy who shot bin Laden is here. Ok, Veterans Day is next week. Maybe that's why this information came out. Wait...is he in danger? Probably. Who knows that he is here tonight? Wait. Could we be in danger? Are we in danger? Have I seen too many movies?
Fact is, the majority in attendance that night were elderly veterans who'd served us in ways we both don't realize and take for granted. There seemed to be a dignity in these men and women that is reserved only for their generation. Honor. Service. Sacrifice. Humbling to be in their presence. While the outside world scrambles to get a look at the latest SEAL in the spotlight, these heroes are just as deserving.

My Midterm Vote 2014

The burning question for me this midterm election was "should I or shouldn't I vote?" My state is overwhelmingly Republican therefore voting doesn't seem to do very much for me or my country. Cleverly worded ads tell me "everything I need to know" without saying a damn thing definite about the candidates and issues in question. The "buzz words" like "safety," "family," and "freedom" are used to make me believe the candidate "desperately seeking my vote" is just like me. Some of the ads make concessions: Okay, he's a man but that shouldn't matter because we are all God's children and he personally is for equality but "changing Washington takes time" and why should you ladies worry about laws providing equal pay for equal work when such issues are too difficult to explain, blah, blah,blah. Or: Aren't you concerned about your safety? Okay, TN politicians voted against the Violence Against Women Act but, Sweetie, that's not the point. Their "Nay" wasn't an actual 'nay' but you just don't understand how government really works so you can't take it literally when they voted against the Violence Against Women Act but if you'll vote for them they'll make sure your voice is heard...again--blah, blah, blah.
I vote because years ago a guy named Harry Burn promised "Miss Febb" that he'd cast a "Yay" giving women the right to vote in TN and across the United States. "Miss Febb," Burn's mother, wrote that he (to paraphrase) "should be the 'rat' in ratify and give women the vote." So because a good son listened to his mother--I vote whenever possible.
Incumbents win here. Challengers come but quickly go with an occasional, "bless their heart, they tried." Issues are presented as if they "really don't apply to everybody and we'll word them in such a way that you'll get confused and frustrated so vote if you want but you could do more with your time than concerning yourself with this."
Amendment One........................
The law making men in my state want to get rid of abortion clinics and women's reproductive rights that came from Roe v Wade. They know they can't just come out and say "We are doing this to outlaw abortions in this state," so they manipulate words in the ads their audiences hear to get the vote they want. Don't you care about safety?  Shouldn't abortion clinics be regulated? For safety, you gotta have regulations, right? You want to protect the family, right? Then vote 'Yes" on Amendment One and when you're not looking, instead of burdening TN with all kinds of safety rules and regulations...we'll just get rid of abortions altogether. Bait and switch. That's politics.
I voted.

My Breast Cancer: Chemotherapy Sessions

I found the lump in my right breast, had it checked, was sent to an imaging center that confirmed cancer with lymph node involvement leading to my double mastectomy. I was surprised at how quickly everything happened.
Complications developed requiring five days in the hospital where my treatment was so bad I changed oncologists. But the idea of chemo with different oncologists didn't appeal to me at all. What would be different with them? They'd try to "sell me" on chemo/radiation etc., too. Chemo is chemo, right? Doesn't matter where you get it, right? That's what I thought.
Before my first chemotherapy treatment with my new oncologists, I had a "chemo teaching" session. For almost two hours, my treatment was explained and discussed. Since my doctor is a woman, I did feel more comfortable talking and asking questions. I wanted to know exactly how my care, chemo and it's side effects would be different with them than the previous doctors. While I did have a little bit of the denial that seems to come with this diagnosis and consequences, my doctor convinced me to give chemo one more try.
The first difference I noticed was the chemo room set-up. There are only five 'units' but each unit has a large recliner, an individual television and an unusually wide restaurant-style menu for patients if we get hungry while receiving treatment. There is plenty of staff and even an occasional nursing student.
My current chemo-combo is Adriamycin and Cytoxan administered through the port in my upper right chest. Prior to receiving this, I get an anti-nausea medication then Decadron through the port. My Adriamycin looks blood red, comes in an enormous syringe, is given by a nurse a little at a time. To combat the sensations that are possible during this administration, I get a cup of ice chips. The ice cools and constricts blood vessels while keeping my mouth moist. It works. No problem.
Once the Cytoxan has infused, I'm sent home where my treatment plan is drink 2 to 3 quarts of water a day; Decadron 4mg and Zofran 8mg night of chemo then 3 times a day for 3 days. I also add my own home remedy to combat nausea: a B6 vitamin and a Benadryl 25mg. Been using that pair to relieve/prevent nausea since I had morning sickness while pregnant with my son. It works. No problem.
At home it is self-care and monitoring until my next treatment. I have noticed that for the first week after chemo, I get strange food cravings. I'll want BBQ with Thousand Island dressing, dill pickles, onion rings, ketchup, ice cream, etc. and now--eggnog! As days pass, symptoms pass and the remaining treatment total decreases. One day I'll take "my last one."
I'm just thankful that I stood up for myself, changed oncologists, reconsidered treatment and am taking it as it comes. Side effects are temporary and so are the treatments!!
Life is Great!!

I've Lost That Lovin' Feeling for the NFL

I've been betrayed. Well, sort of. Most of it is my fault, of course, but it is still shattering to find out just how wrong I was about "my" NFL. I projected onto players, coaches and refs all sorts of admirable qualities like honesty, integrity, intelligence as well as phenomenal athletic ability. Yes, even refs are above average folks, right?  Have you seen Ed Hochuli's arms?
I loved supporting the guys who'd faced insurmountable odds in college and now were fulfilling their "destiny" in the National Football League. Gave kids around here the idea that maybe--they might be able to overcome the odds they were facing and make it to the pros, too. They could play the game they love, entertain millions, have even more fans, get a lucrative endorsement deal--and buy that house for their mommas! Unfortunately, they have to turn pro to do it.
As a football fan, the domestic abuse survivor in me doesn't seem that interested in the pro players anymore. Owners and coaches, too for that matter. I just decided that no matter how bad the NFL might look to us in the audience, there were a number of unseen entities that ruled the NFL and its employees with an iron fist. Apparently, the only one with a fist resembling iron was Mr. Rice.
I understand "protecting the shield" but to have an owner and management conspire to downplay an assault "their guy" committed so their buddy the commissioner would just give him a two game suspension seems criminal in itself. I bet the conversation sounded like this:
"Oh, Roge, he might've shoved her or something but TO BE FAIR she spit on him and I don't know any man that could take that from anyone. Besides, he's never been violent with me or anyone I know and he is really, really, really sorry. So let's give him a break...we need him to on Sundays!"
Goodell admitted that he had no personal experience with domestic violence and hopefully, neither of his daughters will ever be abused because I doubt he'd ever think much less ask or tolerate anyone asking, "what did you do to make him hit you?"
As for the 49'ers, where I live pregnant women are 'especially protected' by the law meaning no matter what she does--or what you say she did to deserve 'it' the unborn child must be protected above everything else. YOU go to jail. Unfair? Life protecting.
If John Harbaugh really did go to the Ravens 'brass' and ask that Mr. Rice be cut, I apologize for thinking he was part of the problem. At least he tried to do the right thing without hiding behind "due process." He is more of a man than his brother is out in San Francisco.
I have narrowed down the teams I support. #18 and #10 have always been men to admire both on and off the field so they'll still get my money but overall, I'll find better things to do with my money than spend it on jerseys, game tickets and souvenirs at stadiums.

Damn, The NFL is "Exactly Who We Thought They Were"

After this week of horrible publicity for the National Football League, I have to admit I'm not as interested in watching it anymore. I've been disillusioned. It really is just another business dedicated to making money and "protecting the shield." I should've always known that but dammit, I felt involved every time "my teams" played. I supported them in every way I could. Blind loyalty. But because of what we've found out going on behind closed elevator doors and in 'whipping rooms' of a player's home, I've gone from checking a football player's 'stats'  to finding out whether or not he can keep from abusing 'his woman' or his child.
I'm disappointed in myself for thinking a business that promotes a violent game and is dominated by men would even acknowledge an issue like domestic violence much less handle it properly. As a survivor of domestic violence, the NFL is acting exactly like I thought they would in saying things like: "It's between a man and a woman." "That's their personal business." "But he's such a great guy." "He's one of our superstars." "He's done so much for the community." "Did you see what she did to him?" "I'd knock somebody out, too if they spit on me." "We can't take their livelihoods away from them." "He's entitled to 'due process.'" "He's playing today because he is appealing his CONVICTION and we need him on the field!" "African-American men deal with 'their women' differently." "That's just how he was raised." "It's not like the fans or the sponsors will go away." "It will blow over soon enough." "Roger has made us a lot of money...we'll be fine. Besides, this isn't "Bounty-Gate," right?" And "Gotta protect 'the shield' at all costs."
I also heard this:
"If I were #12, I'd keep 'my woman' in her place. She has a job in the public eye, for God's sake--she makes more money than he does! How is a real man supposed to take that day after day after day? Maybe if he'd smack her around now and then, she wouldn't think she's so high and mighty.. He'd better show that b***h who wears the jock in his house." Unfortunately, these comments are not unusual.
As for why there are so few arrests/reports:
When there is a domestic violence call, the responders are mostly male cops. These cops usually never see the victim themselves but are met by the perpetrator who qualifies his actions by using the old "she's drunk,""she's just crazy," "you know how it is with women" and "look guys, she attacked me and I was just trying to keep her from hurting herself...but I'm fine and this is all just a big misunderstanding." Then when the cops leave (with no report filed or arrest made) the perpetrator says something to his victim like, "Cops said  next time you bother them with this s**t they'll take your ass to jail," "see, even the cops think you're crazy," and "They bought my version of what happened."
That's exactly what the NFL did, too. As the Ravens owner said regarding Rice, they "heard what they wanted to hear in the story because they wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt and they loved Ray."
That's how the "men behind the NFL machine" really handle off the field violence and we aren't surprised a bit. Damn.
Just as we thought.




 

Domestic Violence: Why I Left

A lifetime ago, I was married to the man of my dreams; the first person I ever met at college and my best friend from that day until graduation. We married shortly after graduation and then Real Life started happening.
I worked as an RN while my husband had trouble finding a job. I'd go to work for twelve hours, come home, cook, clean, pay all the bills and 'take care' of my man while he seemed to be getting more and more resentful of me. Female friends told me that I 'didn't need to shove it in his face' that I was the breadwinner and an "occasional insult, push or shove was no big deal." As the insults, pushes and shoves became more frequent, I told myself: He doesn't mean it. He's really a great guy. He's never been like this before. I'm not the easiest person to live with anyway and no man wants to live off 'his woman.' Besides, it's not like he's ever punched me.
That all changed one Sunday morning.
I came home that morning from the night shift to find 'him' seated at the kitchen table wanting 'his breakfast.' I went back to the living room for something and 'he' came in there, pushed me onto the couch, grabbed me by my ears tearing the left one off and banged my head against the wall. He hit me on the left side of my head rupturing my eardrum then punched me in the face breaking my jaw. He said things like, "If you knew how to do anything right, I wouldn't have to do this." "You think you're better than me because you have a job." Then, "Yeah, you WOULD have to go and bleed, wouldn't you! Now I have to take you to the hospital."
He drove me to the hospital I had left just a couple of hours before, telling me why I'd made him do what he'd done to me the entire way. I decided right then I was leaving him no matter what. If I went back to him after this--he'd kill me next time and Life is too short for this.
He walked me to the ER and told the admissions clerk (who kind of recognized me but wasn't sure), "She fell." I said as best I could, "He did this to me." "That doesn't matter, " he said, "she needs help."
The staff separated us, took me to a trauma room and began treating me. I told them I wanted to press charges so I spent quite a while having all my injuries photographed as evidence by the police and giving statements. At that time, it was rare for a wife to press charges against her husband and domestic violence wasn't a term yet. It was considered a "private matter between spouses."
I pressed charges, he went to jail, I divorced him and never saw him again. I went thru some post-traumatic stress disorder but the only things that remain are a few scars that have nothing to do with the wonderful life I have made for myself. But I was lucky. I had a career, money, no children by him and above all choices. Very few victims of domestic violence have real choices. For some, all they have is hope...hope that 'he' will change...and the hope that things will get better. Unfortunately, in these situations hope can get you killed.

My Breast Cancer 'Support' Experience and the Nursing Shortage

Diagnosed with breast cancer 6/20/14.
Double mastectomy 7/7/14.
1st chemo 8/11/14.
Hospitalized with Cellulitis in area where  right breast was removed from8/24 to 8/28.

 I bought into the 'hype' about the resources, support and 'pink ribbons' available to women with breast cancer so I am hope I am that "rare case" of disappointment/disillusionment. and the woman they mean when someone inevitably says ,"We can't take care of everyone....there's always a 'few' that fall thru the cracks."
 Booklets/resource material I've received in the mail are great and have the latest general information/guidelines available. I read in a booklet about how "breast cancer can be devastating but you will not be alone," I take comfort in that. When I read, "the doctors and nurses will treat you as an 'entire' person--not just your breast cancer,"I take comfort in that too. But my personal experience has been my doctors just treated my "body part' with no interest in the rest of me. Reality? Not many nurses on the surgical floor I was on. Hire More Nurses!
 Hire more nurses if for nothing but public relations because the things I read in my booklets I expected to happen neither did nor were offered or at least be offered! Hire More Nurses.
This particular hospital's had a sheet of paper in my room that read: "You will be visited by one of your caregivers" then in all caps: "EVERY HOUR from 6a to 10p and EVERY 2 HOURS from 10p to 6a." Never happened. Couldn't have. The nurse to patient ratio on that particular floor is dangerous. Answer? Hire More Nurses!
As for the "we treat the entire person," I took that bait, too. I assumed they'd take my chemo into consideration--what do they say about "when you assume"? Exactly!
My surgeon was "supposed to know" the particular chemo drugs I received on the 11th, were still in me and their particular side effects continue for 28 days or more. Of course my hospitalization would coincide with my "3rd week past chemo." I have all the luck.
Had he factored in my "entire person" he would've seen my "chemo-combo" raised blood sugar, caused  mouth sores, nausea and a touch of 'chemo brain,' and not ordered the fingersticks, sliding scale insulin, fluid restriction and a regular-yes, regular diet! How the hell was I supposed to eat? The very smell of food made me sick! Any halfway decent GN, LPN or RN would've looked at my "chart" seen my chemo was just 13 days "prior to admission" and individualized my care throughout my hospital stay.
 At no time did any caregiver check me every hour from 6a to 10p and every two hours as "promised." Realistically, IMPOSSIBLE! The skeleton crew worked the 6a shift and even less worked the 10p one! Hire more nurses! They will solve all of this!
It "got out" that I was a nurse so instantly, I turned into a 'self-care patient.' Rarely saw anyone. I got the old "You're a nurse so you know how it is." I do know 'how it is and what the minimum care is for a surgical patient with chemo "on board." Nurses do, too. Hire More Nurses!
My son brought my laptop to me. Hospital internet access made me feel less isolated. Didn't all the booklets tell me I'd never 'go it alone'? Trying to get some of the things I read I "could expect as a woman with breast cancer" probably got me labelled as a "horrible patient," and with the 'skeleton crew' this floor had I wouldn't blame them at all! Solution? HIRE MORE NURSES!!!!!!!!!!!